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Category: Entertainment

Review: Crossed Issue 2; now with more Soggy Cookies

Published by NiteMayr on December 7, 2008

Garth Ennis and Jacen Burrows set the Rape and Murder by crazed Rednecks bar really high in Crossed #1.  I can safely state that issue two doesn’t add to the horror, instead it shows the keen, steely and purposeful levels of evil the “Crossed” can reach.  Speaking of the Crossed, here’s the birth of one:

Crossed 2 preview

Our uninfected are telling this story in anecdotal form, which means at least one of them is alive “in the future” I’m guessing either as one of the Crossed or it is the kid that has been tagging along all this time.   Giving a hopeful narrator with such bleak and (really) dark subject matter strikes me as an odd choice.  The Crossed tear one of their own apart and rape the severed foot/calf, with that kind of determined horror, it’s hard to imagine some form of hopeful anything save a quick death.

As for the crossed themselves. when they aren’t mutilating each other and raping men, women and children (and animals I’m sure) to death, they are “spreading the love” in an inventive and evil fashion, through the use of a variant Soggy Biscuit game.

I’ll leave that there for you to puzzle out on your own.

Overall verdict; read it if you are a fan of post-apocalyptic stories as well as “zombie” fiction, as the Crossed are the implacable but intelligent foe that Zombie fiction sometimes wants for.

Review: The Book that Stinks

Published by NiteMayr on December 2, 2008

The Show that Smells

The Show That Smells is the most SHOCKING story ever shown on the silver screen! It’s also the tale of Jimmie, a country music singer dying of tuberculosis, and Carrie, his wife, who tries to save him by selling her soul to a devil who designs HAUTE COUTURE CLOTHING! Elsa is a powerful Parisian dress designer, and a vampire. She wants to make Carrie look beautiful, smell beautiful – AND THEN SHE WANTS TO EAT HER! Will Carrie survive as her slave? Will Jimmie be cured? Starring a host of Hollywood’s brightest stars, including Coco Chanel, Lon Chaney and the Carter Family, The Show That Smells is a thrilling tale of HILLBILLIES, HIGH FASHION, AND HORROR!

My rating: 1.0 stars
*

Bad Book. Bad Book. Bad Book. Horrible Tropes.  Bad Book. Bad Book. Stunt Typography. Bad Book. Bad Book. Bad Book. Vampires are all Homosexual Baby Killers.  Bad Book. Bad Book. Bad Book. Graphic and Morbid Rape Scenes.

There isn’t much of a plot to this screed, so I won’t waste any time with discussing characters or plot.  There are 6 actual characters and about 15 speaking roles in this made-for-Limbaugh Vampire novella.  It all devolves into a kind of stunt-book, with words strewn among typography tricks and over-used AMICLEVER section mastheads meant to evoke a maze of mirrors.  The Vampires are monsters and as they themselves state, they are gay, because everyone who is evil is gay, right?

My satire detector is broken again I guess, but the heavy “We kill babies and have forced butt secks” section was more than enough for me, as was the pointlessly brief climax.  Avoid this book and any derivative Jack Chick tracts it may spawn or else be forced to envision a melty-faced Lon Chaney standing behind a crying (pantsless) man saying “HAW HAW HAW” as he violates him with a perfume bottle.

All that was left was a Torn Cowl

Published by NiteMayr on November 26, 2008

RIPPED COWL
All that was left was a Torn Cowl and a sad Sidekick or Two

So Batman: R.I.P. comes to an end.  It was a long, turgid, throbbing, uh.. cock fest.
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I’m beginning to think that Grant Morrison only likes a female character if he has it written down somewhere that she has a penis or will eventually turn out to be the reason the Hero is dead or crazy.  Even Ragged Robin was nothing but trouble for King Mob.  So it shouldn’t be a surprise to me that  the woman Bruce Wayne took into his confidence was pivotal to his downfall, it’s just the way Grant Morrison writes, Talia Al Ghul was just a plot point to get Damien into the picture and so on.  So when the Calvary shows up to save Batman, it’s not staffed with the local Bird of Prey or any of the Outsiders, it’s the XY brigade to the rescue (or at least, the Distraction)

Please forgive me for spoiling the story for you, but Batman has gone underground now to deal with the Black Glove and will resurface in a reasonable amount of time, because, as we all know, The Batman is always one step ahead.

Best moment of the Issue and the real saving grace of Grant’s writing, it’s well written, engaging and entertaining, especially the Joker, who is portrayed in his essential lunacy and casual violence, especially in his accidental disposal by Damien.

I strongly recommend this for Batman fans interested in seeing “the end” of the RIP series and recommend as a read for Joker fans either way.
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