BOEHNER: We want this stand-off to end. We have a few conditio-

OBAMA: You can go fuck yourself. Every minute that goes by engenders more and justified hatred of your party. Come back when your conditions include funding the government, reducing the debt by selling a bare-knuckle boxing match between yourself and Ted Cruz on pay-per-view, getting the privilege to kiss my ass publicly every day for the remainder of my term, and Rand Paul has to touch a dead squirrel. [mike drop] Today 7:41pm

Bipedal Hominid