Oh, The horrifying things I have done…
Dear Roger,
I respect your list; but I am not a professional critic and do not abide by your rules, save the photo thing. I’m far to shy to ask my heroes for photos, even Henry Rollins.
However, I will list for you my various cinematic sins; as a penance of sorts (even if I am proud of them).
For years I have been a silent and respectful moviegoer, quiet in my seat (save guffawing or walking out of movies that have offended my delicate sensibilities, shy flower of Jesus that I am). In recent years I have taken to being “that guy” in theaters; the one who yells at the screen and makes a scene, the sometimes combative loudmouth who maintains that he is enhancing the experience. Here are my most memorable Movie Theatre Sins:
- During Sin City yelling “Go on there, Drink that Piss” and “God Damn, that’s alot of blood, I hope he brought some band-aids”
- During Constantine; yelling “My Precious” during the spear retrieval and “Can you hear me now?” when the phones stopped ringing for Evie
- I forget what movie, but threatening a coterie of young men who would not shut up during the movie, I turned, looked them in the eye and loudly threatened to dress them in soda and ice if they didn’t shut up or move. They moved, undressed in Corn Syrup and Flavoring.
- Yelling, “Where are the Gi-Joes?” during a fight in Transformers, loudly booing the dialogue, hissing when Optimus Prime spoke, mooing during the love scenes. I didn’t like it.
- Paying to see The Pirates movie, part 3.
- Nearly running out of the Theater when the girl ghost pops up and barfs in “The Sixth Sense”
For these and all my other “That Guy” sins I am for the most part, not sorry, but I am hapy to claim them as my own.
Kevin.
To Draw it down to Numbers
An American Carol Week Number One (1,639 Screens):
| $3,656,000 | 1,639 | $2,231 | $3,656,000 |
Sicko Week Number One (441 Screens):
| $4,501,712 | 441 | $10,208 | $4,616,786 |
There has been alot of noise about “Real Americans” and “Real America” these past couple of days. The McCain campaign makes much of the fact that their supports represent the silent majority or the moral majority of the Country. The Down-home Salt of the earth that make up the real body of the electorate. The Authoritarian Right would have you believe that Liberals make up a tiny black-hearted exceptional bump in the world, and that the Rock-Ribbed Conservatives are in the Majority (while simlutaneously telling us about how they are persecuted).
These discussions are sometimes referred to as culture wars, expressed in purchasing patterns and behaviors. I can think of no better illustration of how North American people are really split than their viewing habits. They have to pay to see these films, they sometimes have to drive over some distance to go there, more than television, movie habits reflect the will and tastes of the affluent west and these numbers don’t lie.
People in the Western World ARE Liberals. They are Liberals by choice and in vast numbers, and if anyone tells you otherwise, they are deluded and foolish. Now if only they could vote that way too.
Oh, and in case you don’t know, An American Carol lasted two weeks in Theatres and Sicko, 13.
Review: Meet Dave
Meet Dave
Eddie Murphy plays the dual role of “this generations greatest captain” and “the ship itself” in this Sci-Fi comedy about a crew of 3 inch tall aliens in persuit of a secret weapon designed to steal all of the Salt Water on earth.
Much has been made of how bad “Meet Dave” is, and like “Norbit” before it, most of the problems people have with it can be traced to the easy familiarity of the movie and not to any other quantitive problem. It’s trite and lazy; the plot is obvious and cookie-cutter easy. Aliens come to Earth and take on the attributes of humans, some get into rap, some go crazy and the ostensibly toughest guy on board is a flaming stereotype. Sigh, yawn, seen it before. There are no surprises here. The guy with a stick up his butt goes crazy, takes over the ship an alienates the “kid”. Yawn.
My rating: stars
The fish out of water story has been done to death, even by Eddie Murphy himself. This movie might even be best described as a family-friendly “Coming to America” with Arsenio Hall replaced with Gabrielle Union. It’s pretty much the same movie. Eddie Murphy’s character tries to blend in with the Humans, fails, falls for a local girl and finds love. It’s the same basic movie, without James Earl Jones and Sexual Chocolate.
Once again, we have a long-time movie comedian going back to the well for more of the same, hoping to win over his core audience, only to find out that his core audience has grown tired of his work and moved on to dirtier pastures. When Eddie Murphy tried to go back to dirtier roots (Norbit) they weren’t interested in that either. Which is a shame, because like Mike Myers’ “The Love Guru”, “Meet Dave” isn’t a bad comedy. I laughed at the predictable jokes and liked the ending. Yes, I saw it all coming when I saw the poster, but it didn’t make the ride any worse.
Audiences will go on the same Roller Coaster over and over again, hit the same drops and loops over and over and keep going back, why don’t they do the same for movies by established celebreties? They see the same stories over and over, the same themes. It’s not to say that “Meet Dave” is great, but it wasn’t as bad as one would have imagined. Eddie Murphy was funny, the relationship with the kid was “hearwarming” and the plot was straightforward. What more can one say about a family-friendly movie?
Review: Gone, Baby, Gone
Gone Baby Gone
Patrick Kenzie has two kinds of friends, Cops and Scum, but don’t hold that against him, he’s probably the best detective in the North East. When a frantic aunt calls him to find her missing niece, Patrick finds he has to choose between happiness and honor; a catch 22 that leaves his life in broken bits.
My rating: stars
Before I get into this I want to call out a specific actor; as I have loved him in EVERYTHING I’ve seen him in:
Edi Gathegi who plays “Cheese” in Gone, Baby, one, “Big Love” in House and the totally memorable Haitian Cab Driver in Crank. I really expect and hope to see more from him, as he has the kind of mournful or threatening or easy going presence that a young actor could only hope to put forth. He’s great here and deserves some recognition as a strong supporting character.
It’s a fine thing to spend some time breaking on Ben Affleck, that he’s uncooth, that he’s a hack, that he has it way better than you and he doesn’t deserve it. I used to agree with this line of reasoning, Affleck always seemed to be the smarmy asshole and I truly hated him for it. Of course, that was because he was a good actor. When Ben wants to play a sympathetic lead or best friend, he becomes likeable and pleasant. When he’s a leading man, cocky and sure, he is. I think Ben Affleck is a fine actor and it’s about time we all just accepted that he is both talented and not just lucky. “Gone Baby Gone” pretty much proves it.
GBG does more for Casey Affleck in terms of acting, but considering that Bog Brother Bed is the director, it goes to show that the Afflecks have got talent in spades.
Casey Affleck plays Patrick Kenzie; a boston boy and detective in the mold of a streetwise Harry D’amour or John Constantine; a magus of the street without the magic. He works the streets, associating with cops and killers; knowing that the only thing of value he has is his self-respect. Honorable to a fault, Kenzie is forced to turn on his friends and tear down pillars of the humanity at the cost of his own happiness in his quest for closure. Faced with moral choices he makes difficult decisions, perhaps in a quest for redemption after he (in his own words) murders a guilty man.
Casey plays Patrick Kenzie with ease; he is almost lazy in his approach, but it betrays a cunning mind behind the eyes (always looking around, always looking at the angles). The character never seems put on, never a costume, Patrick and Casey are inseperable and while some scenes may have looked emotionless, it was entirely in character; honor over happiness as I stated before.
I was reminded, constantly, of 8MM while I watched this, the situation was very similiar (where Casey plays the role Joaquin Phoenix did in 8MM). I kept looking for “The Machine” moment in the movie, and when it came down, I was on the edge of my seat, nearly calling for it to happen. When I realized that nothing was resolved, I applauded the movie. Gone Baby Gone kept me on an emotional edge for the last hour, constantly hoping for a “happy” outcome; which never really came.
Now, the action was violent and shocking, there was at least one shooting that made me shout out “Oh My God, they shot him” I was absorbed at that point and I don’t think I blinked again until the end of the movie. It is that powerful.
All of this dances around the specifics of the story, which I have tried to conciously avoid; as I want you to fully enjoy this movie. It’s a worthwhile movie, certainly something I am going to watch again.
As for Ben, Affleck, you’da bomb in “Gone baby Gone” yo
Review: Wall-E
Wall-E
A Walmart Brand robot develops a personality and deep emotional problems after 700 years of cleaning up world-covering garbage that appears to have miraculously avoided all advertising and signage
My rating: stars
Wall-E is one of those movies that people love to gush over; where a cute something with no voice of it’s own falls in love with the notion of love and then overcomes everything just to get his limited groove on. Sometimes there is dancing, sometimes there is singing, sometimes there is some chaste kissing; however it is always stulifying and boring. Great for the kids, right?
Let me summarize Wall-E for those of you who have not seen it or refuse to do so, as you are principled people who don’t need Cartoon Robots to feel good about
Hello Dolly Song !
Fly-in through Garbage
There’s alot of Garbage
More Garbage, set to Hello Dolly Tune
Big Wall-E! Big Wall-E
Fat People all over the place
Fat Babies!
More Garbage
Hello Dolly Tune
End.
I don’t know if that is what some people took from it, but that’s about it for me. There was no there, there. Even for a kids movie, this was pretty pointless. Pixar has been pretty good about avoiding the “Song And Dance” methodology of Disney flicks, but only through having soundtrack montages and so on. It’s still a baseless little story about a crazy robot who wants nothing more than to “hold hands” with someone. It’s like American Pie, without the Stiffler or the Shannon Elizabeth.
The empty story is dressed in some nice clothes, but it’s fairly empty. I know the guys at Pixar worked very hard to build pathos for Wall-E; but in the end he is just a malfunctioning robot who has become obsessed with fulfilling his own dreams. Wall-E isn’t saving humanity, that’s not even in his scope, he’s obsessed with achieving the one thing that he has built up over years of watching Hello Dolly over and over, holding hands. At least Eve focuses on her actual function over self-gratification.
The Animation is passable, but it’s not ground-breaking for 3D animation and does little to further 3D movies as an artform or medium. I didn’t find any portion of the film to be breathtaking (save breathtakingly stupid or vapid) and I couldn’t get over the details that ruined the whole premise. Why would the robot repair all of the advertising but not dig up all the garbage from around it? Why does the robot “go back” to his house rather than move to closer to his work site? Why didn’t the robot build a wind-proof baffle around his little home so that he could leave the door open? Why didn’t he build a shelter for Eve? These little things detracted from the experience, it’s just poor storytelling when you can actually visually build anything and don’t simply solve these little logical problems right there on film.
Wall-E is a film about garbage that barely rises above it’s oeuvre. I’d say it’s okay for the kids, but only the youngest seem to want to watch it over and over. Go watch Monsters Inc. or Iron Giant instead, there’s a movie with real heart and emotion.
LifeStream
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Posted a tweet on Twitter.
Full Day over, stumped by a copy/paste error in the afternoon
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New blog post: For Rememberance Sake and SSH in the Future http://tinyurl.com/6g2zbm
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HTOP is the Shizz, that is all.
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New blog post: Racist of the Week: Sad Bastard BNP Member http://tinyurl.com/5kcsdt
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I had to use a MAN page to resolve a question and consult Kernel notes to verify something, truly this is a golden nerdy age.
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Good Morning, took ages to get going today, hopefully the flywheel is up to speed now.
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On the phone praying to the Insurance Gods and listening to the same 4 songs over and over again...and again
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On the phone praying to the Insurane Gods and listening to the same 4 songs over and over again...
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My Question is: Will Jello Biafra be okay with Obama "Not" walking to his inauguration? The constant threats hove got to considered.
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Tragic and Entertaining - Tradgetaining http://tinyurl.com/5l75gl
