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I know the majority of people would not even consider a TV of this price, nor a TV with even half of this price, but I can assure you that the majority of people are wrong in this case. I bought this TV on a whim, one unforgettable night. It was a dark and stormy night; I was lying there in bed, yearning for the sweet embrace of sleep, yet not able to attain it. I started searching for something that would take my mind of the bleak and dark events that plagued my life of late. In a moment of weakness, I went on the internet, to try to find some solace, some relief of the pounding despair that has become my sole existence. One event lead to another, and I found myself staring at this television set. I was staring at the website, not 10 inches away from my face, and I couldn’t look away. It was as if a beacon guiding me towards the only comfort that I’ve had in hours.

I had only one means to accomplish my goal. I immediately phoned my good friend Armand Petrovski who assured me that he would loan me the funds necessary. After a mere ten minutes, the bell rang, and I found Petrovski at my front door with a fat envelope, and a baseball bat. The baseball bat was inconsequential to our agreement, I was assured, but Armand had just returned from his weekly 3 AM baseball game with his buddies that happens every Saturday, and he did not have time to put it away. The baseball bat was also accompanied by another man that can only be described as the unholy offspring of a bear and a freight train. He did not look too happy. I was also assured by Armand that I didn’t need to worry about repaying the money, as long as I repaid it within three days and with a 40% service fee. I found this to be reasonable, especially since I was receiving such a large sum in such short notice. Needless to say, I took the money, and I made my plans to purchase this magnificent television set, as I have found it to be the only way to find any comfort in this cruel unjust world.

I tell you, it is extraordinary what this television has done for my life in the past week. It has changed my life for the better, and I needed it especially now that I cannot move very much because of my broken legs. I also find that having such a vast and gargantuan screen, which burns every image directly into my retinas, offsets any pain associated with my broken back. The 4K resolution is exceedingly, exceptionally, and extremely sharp that it numbs the tips of my fingers every time I look at it, even though I was told by my doctors that these feelings were impossible in my case because of my destroyed nervous system.

Think of the money I would be saving now that I don’t have to buy expensive movie theatre tickets.

In short, my life could not be any better.

Thank you Sony.

Published inCurrent Events