Let’s get right to it
50 Shades of Gray Grey
BDSM and Sensuality are nowhere to be found in this hollywood bean flicker about Dakota Johnson and some Dude who is #notmychristian. It’s a Hollywood take on a BDSM movie that doesn’t star Rosie O’Donnell and Dan Akroyd. Without that dynamic duo, who has the time for it?
How would this movie be improved by a sprinkling of Calamari with evil intent?
Two Words. Slimy Sex. Okay, three. Slimy Wet Sex? No, moist. That’s it. Moist. Everything would be moist. I have it on good authority that moist is a wholly despicable word, So I’ve taken the liberty to moisten this whole paragraph up in anticipation. I got nothing, I remembered the Dan Akroyd Rosie O’Donnell Sex movie and my mind went to its happy place and didn’t want to come back.
Lemmie take another swing at this.
Christian Grey? Or Gray, what way is it. Not Still stuck on Rosie in Bondage gear.
It was just startling, she was already middle aged and so was Dan Akroyd. It’s called Exit to Eden. THAT Movie could have used some human sized squid, to ink out our memories! I have exactly three good memories about that movie and they have little to do with the movie itself.
King Kong
King Kong is the story about how a girl can go away on an overseas adventure, come home and her summer romance follows her home in steerage, Things are all going well for him, he has a show on Broadway, he’s even the star; but when the Girl isn’t on his same wavelength he takes things to extremes and ends up getting hurt,
How could King Kong be improved with a Giant Squid?
For once the Giant Squid is not one of the “bad guys” Gail finds herself alone in the wilderness; next to a blue pond when a massive, squishy head emerges. Another Giant Monster. It looms over her, tentacles caressing and teasing her, a massive beak just feet from her. Fetid air around it. It opens it’s mouth and… says “Gurrrrl, you should get away from Kong now, he’s only going to snatch you up and run away with you”
Later, standing over Kong’s body Gail gets a telegram with the words ‘I told you so. Squid”
Mrs. Doubtfire
How could Mrs. Doubtfire be improved by adding a Giant Squid?