Tag Archives: Sins

Oh, The horrifying things I have done…

Dear Roger,

I respect your list; but I am not a professional critic and do not abide by your rules, save the photo thing.  I’m far to shy to ask my heroes for photos, even Henry Rollins.

However, I will list for you my various cinematic sins; as a penance of sorts (even if I am proud of them).

For years I have been a silent and respectful moviegoer, quiet in my seat (save guffawing or walking out of movies that have offended my delicate sensibilities, shy flower of Jesus that I am).  In recent years I have taken to being “that guy” in theaters; the one who yells at the screen and makes a scene, the sometimes combative loudmouth who maintains that he is enhancing the experience.  Here are my most memorable Movie Theatre Sins:

  • During Sin City yelling “Go on there, Drink that Piss” and “God Damn, that’s alot of blood, I hope he brought some band-aids”
  • During Constantine; yelling “My Precious” during the spear retrieval and “Can you hear me now?” when the phones stopped ringing for Evie
  • I forget what movie, but threatening a coterie of young men who would not shut up during the movie, I turned, looked them in the eye and loudly threatened to dress them in soda and ice if they didn’t shut up or move.  They moved, undressed in Corn Syrup and Flavoring.
  • Yelling, “Where are the Gi-Joes?” during a fight in Transformers, loudly booing the dialogue, hissing when Optimus Prime spoke, mooing during the love scenes.  I didn’t like it.
  • Paying to see The Pirates movie, part 3.
  • Nearly running out of the Theater when the girl ghost pops up and barfs in “The Sixth Sense”

For these and all my other “That Guy” sins I am for the most part, not sorry, but I am hapy to claim them as my own.

Kevin.