Tag Archives: snark

Dear Corporations – Please Sponsor Me

Bands are getting into bed with consumer brands – Times Online

From boutique favorites such as Agent Provocateur and Joe Bloggs to icons of the global hyper-mall such as Diesel, Yahoo!, Audi and Coca-Cola, brands have awoken to music’s potential as a powerful communication tool, and a content gold rush is on. Under the “lifestyle” umbrella, household names are seeking out, signing and promoting music. And far from heralding a sellout, taking the corporate shilling may be the smartest career move a struggling artist can make.

I’ve struggled for years to gain true creative and social autonomy to create my ART as I see fit. Usually I have survived on my earnings and created ART on my own dime, I’d love to have some BRAND come along and throw cash at me to focus solely on creative works like my Blog and Photography. It seems to me that I’d first have to create some form of cultural cache that would bring the attention of the soul-patch and turtleneck types that would patron my style of creative outpouring.

Let me be the first Scottish Blogger who lives in London to do it, Dear Corporations “give me money to write this blog”.

I will lay out the law here before we start our relationship though:

  1. I demand full creative control, I even get to make fun of the brand if it annoys me.
  2. You will smile when you ask me to do something.
  3. You will look like I have done something nice for you when I have obviously created something horrible. Perhaps it will sell in Soho?
  4. We will mutually describe me as “L’enfant Terribley” which we think is something French that means that I am a precocious child of some sort when the term “el nino” a Spanish word for boy that describes a series of horrible storms is more accurate.
  5. You will eventually pay me money to go away. This is (as I understand things) the way of the world, and I will go away with my heavy bags of filthy lucre. I will describe them as such when I sleep on them.

See, 5 simple rules to buy my art and grow your Brand.

I have a readership somewhere between Ann Coulter’s true liberal confessions and zero; but I’m sure with the correct positioning and ground swell from your street teams we can get your Brand on my pages and my Art in your Brand.

We’ll be like Reese’s Pieces.

oh enjoy the snark, some days I’m actually funny