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Tag: Wheeze

Making the Bride Cry

If you know me; you know I have a deep-seated need to stir things up occasionally.  I enjoy the odd wheeze, especially if a family member is the victim.

My sister married last weekend, the service was lovely and Dave (the new husbands) extended family were a joy to welcome to “The Bruce County Wardrops”  LoL.

However, being a wedding and being one of those High-Stress occasions, the opportunity to torment my sister was ever elevated.

1)  My daughter was the flower girl, her appearance and hair were super important.
2)  I was the odd-jobber on the wedding, taking video and MC’ing providing music for the reception.

With that in mind, I used the phone to make the wedding march unforgettable.

About 8 weeks ago I called Kerry to talk about my Daughter’s bad day at school.  She had gotten gum in her hair, Kerry commiserated about how bad that can be with long hair.  I then went on about how they had tried ice and other remedies but that the gum was so close to her scalp… at this point Kerry took firm notice of what I was saying.  I went on that they (the school) had to cut the gum loose and that the patch was so large that we had to clip my daughter’s hair to the scalp to match.  Kerry was aghast, and became nearly ill over the matter, with only a couple of months until the wedding the flower girl would be sinead o’conner.  I let the rope out for as long as I could stand it, admitting only when tears were flowing that it was all a wheeze.

Kerry will probably never forgive me for that; I know she won’t forgive me for what i did last Thursday.

At about 3PM on Thursday My mother called wondering when I would get to Kincardine, I was already there.  I was sitting in an easy chair in my Parents living room, waiting for My mother and sister to return from the shops.  Taking the opportunity I announced that I would not in fact be coming, having been roped into something important at the office.  Two days before the wedding and I wouldn’t be able to come.  Both my Mother and My Sister become hideously upset, how could this happen?  Did they know what this would do to the wedding?  You’re the DJ, we need you here!  This went on for ages, I kept them on the line for a good 10 minutes alternating between indignation and anger.  When I let slip that I was instead at the house and already in Kincardine you could almost feel the pair of them gear their shoulders up to smack me when they came home.

Oh, I know these are cruel, but what kind of big brother would I be if I let the opportunity pass?