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Why I will vote Republican (Or Tory)

Why I Will Vote Republican
by SergeantFreedom

I believe that tax cuts – especially for the most wealthy – will stimulate the economy and cut the debt and deficit even though they never have before. I believe that giving Federal assistance to multinational corporations and super-wealthy individuals is good for job growth, even though these corporations we help with our tax dollars shut down their American plants and moved all the jobs to Communist countries. I believe the reason that multinational corporations offshore American jobs is because of unions, and Americans shouldn’t be able to unionize anyway. American workers dared to offend the multinational corporations, and workers are now reaping what they have sewn. Since the Supreme Court decreed that corporations are citizens, people should do whatever the multinational corporations tell us to do.

If a CEO makes FOUR HUNDRED times more than the average worker in the plant makes, THEY EARNED IT. That guy that works on the plant floor toiling away – he’s just a lazy union worker who hates America. If the foreign owned companies these CEO’s are in charge of go bankrupt, it’s not their fault – it’s the workers’ fault.

As a Republican, it doesn’t bother me that you can have your pay reduced, or can be fired if you are not performing, but they cannot. The CEO earned that immunity from responsibility – you didn’t, so shut up.

As a Republican, I believe that Obama wants to “redistribute” the wealth so that more of the available money is spread around to people that need it most; and as a Republican I believe that this is terrible, and proves he is a godless, commie, socialist, Muslim, baby killer.

Also as a Republican, the fact that over the last eight years income has been redistributed ANYWAY, more to the top than any time in history, and the fact that wages for the middle class have remained stagnant while money from all economic growth accumulates at the very top, and the fact that this “redistribution” to the top is shown in all studies – just proves that the rich are smart and they earned it. You losing your job to a factory in India, China, or Vietnam is all your fault because you wanted 15.00 an hour. They take 61 cents an hour – you should know better.

If you work on a hot factory floor risking your life near heavy machinery and work to the sweat of your brow, you are a lazy leech for asking for 19 dollars an hour.

If you are a CEO of an Insurance Corporation which does not actually provide any health care (they are not doctors) or sit at a computer buying and selling other peoples companies on Wall Street, and you happen to make $19,000.00 dollars an hour – you earned it and liberals just need to shut up.

I will be voting Republican because I don’t believe in welfare – – at least the way I define it. If a poor person with no money or an elderly or sick person needs help, why should my tax dollars help them? If they’re poor or sick, it’s because God predestined them to be poor and sick and it would be a violation of God’s sovereignty and God’s will to help them. After all, Jesus said, “God helps those who help themselves.”

However, the BILLIONS handed to Corporations for free is NOT welfare. I choose to give that a different name: corporate incentives. If you have a yacht and need a bailout, that helps America.

I am a Republican because Democrats want my money for “public services”. Those Democrats want to waste my money on policemen and fire protection. If crime goes up, it’s your fault: I have a gun. I will protect myself from crime and I don’t need “government.” If your house catches on fire, it’s your fault: you can pay for your own fire protection and for the cost of the firemen putting out the fire, but I shouldn’t have to.

I am pro-life, as long as long as it’s in the body of another full-grown woman. I couldn’t care less about it the second it’s out of the womb, which is also why I’m pro-death penalty, and anti-welfare. If that woman can’t afford to feed or clothe that baby once we force her to give birth, my tax dollars shouldn’t pay for it because that would be “socialism”. She can keep that baby warm with enough blankets and boxes under a bridge, and if she knew how to survive like I do, she would know how to catch and eat rats. You have to make it on your own in this world you know.

It doesn’t matter to me that rich women will still be able to obtain abortions in other countries – whether they believe in it or not. I say, if you don’t have the money, then take your America hating butt into a back alley and get your abortion “the old fashioned way” and do it with coat hangars and die.

It doesn’t matter to me that abortion rates tend to go up under Republican Administrations and down under Democratic leadership, I chose to believe what I want.

I vote Republican because I believe in the Constitution. The Constitution says the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed. Don’t give me that crap about seeking redress, right to vote, right to privacy, speech, press, warrants, probable cause, or all that other nonsense. Our country is based on firearms: you should know that, or get out of my country. You liberal moon bats need to shut up about article one and article two congressional oversight powers and checks and balances garbage (unless a Democrat is President). You must be commies or something.

As a Republican, I believe I should be able to own nukes, biological weapons, chemical weapons, and have explosives of any type to defend my house. Liberals hate America because they won’t let me have nukes, biological or chemical weapons, or explosives. I believe my seven year old should be able to carry a Glock to school for protection. The damn liberals are stopping him.

I vote Republican and support great Republicans like G. Gordon Liddy, who stated that if an American Law Enforcement Officer comes to your home, you should shoot him in the head… twice, because he will likely be wearing a bullet proof vest. As a Republican, I believe his advising us how to kill our police officers is proof of his patriotism. Real patriots know you should show hatred towards our Federal Government of the USA like Gordon Liddy – and Timothy McVeigh.

I vote Republican because that Muslim Obama went to a Christian Church for twenty years where the church pastor said “God Damn America” for the way the country treated black people. You can’t vote for Muslim people who go to Christian churches where the War Veteran pastor would say such a thing, even if the pastor isn’t going to be doing anything in Obama’s administration or is even remotely connected to it.

I vote Republican because Sarah Palin could be President one day. I don’t care that she was a member of a seditious, America-hating group that wants leave America and be its own country and whose leaders at rally’s and conventions said “God Damn America” and “had no use for America or its damn institutions.” It is a good thing to hate the Federal Government – unless you are a preacher. I support the fact that her husband was a member of a seditious, hate-America movement, until he had to quit so she could run for Governor. That’s OK. He did what he had to do to get her elected, and now they could one day run the country they hate. Soon they will be able to finish what Timothy McVeigh, GW Bush and Dick Cheney started: the job of the dismantling of the Federal Government we hate so much.

I don’t care if that makes Osama Bin Laden happy or not, or that he shares the same goals.

I vote Republican because I believe in the War on Drugs. Slogans Work – “Just say no” – goes a long way in preventing kids from using drugs. It doesn’t matter to me that the War makes the drugs thousands of times more profitable, and that profitability provides that much more incentive to dealers and gangs. I don’t believe it when people tell me that during Prohibition in the 1920’s there were gangs, drive-bys, underground “labs” and corrupt police and officials. Forget rehabilitation; you reap what you sow. I know what works, and the War on Drugs has been working very well which is why we’ve been spending billions upon untold billions of dollars on the war and putting drug users in prison for very long prison terms but drug use has continued to increase.

I believe that freedom of religion is one of the things that make this country great, which is why we need to establish evangelical Christianity as our national religion. Muslims aren’t Christians, and that is why I believe Muslims (and all non-Christians) should get the hell out of my country. I also believe it is important to prove our support of freedom of religion by giving billions of our tax dollars to Israel every year. We need the Jews to re-establish their entire territory as described in the Old Testament writings from 5000 years ago so that Jesus can come back to Rapture evangelical Christians (even though the Rapture is not mentioned anywhere in Scripture); and then God will slay all those Jews and make their blood spurt all over Israeli ground for having killed Christ.

I don’t care if Jesus wanted to help the poor and the meek. I only look at the parts of the Bible that benefit me personally. I believe George Bush consulted with Jesus before ordering the shock and awe bombing of that country that didn’t attack us. Jesus is a Republican, and if you’re not a Republican you don’t believe in Jesus.

I vote Republican because I am a Christian, and I believe God gave us the earth to make money from for Corporations. I don’t care about the environment: concerns about the environment will be moot after Jesus comes back to Rapture the True Christians to Heaven. I will disregard scientific evidence, because science is only a “theory.” Besides, I will be dead before the consequences of our actions affect me so it’s none of my concern. My children are good Republicans, so they’ll be fine after I’m gone. Even though I don’t believe in evolution, I believe they will adapt: survival of the fittest, you know.

I am a Republican because I am tired of immigrants coming to this country and taking our jobs. I know a lot of hardworking American lettuce pickers. It doesn’t bother me that our Corporations are shipping our jobs to other countries for cheaper labor and to avoid labor regulations. I’m tired of paying taxes, which is the only reason I can sympathize with immigrant workers who must stay undocumented. They don’t have to pay taxes! Hopefully, if a Republican is elected, they will finally let me have a post office box in the Cayman Islands so I don’t have to pay taxes either, the way the corporations do.

I am a Republican because I’m tired of minorities whining. They have the same opportunities as every one else but they shouldn’t be allowed to get perfect grades, be Constitutional Law Professors, and be President (especially if they’re black). I don’t like affirmative action for poor minorities. I don’t care if the rich and super rich can get into Ivy League Universities, even with failing grades, simply through large donations to endowments “legacy” status, which is affirmative action for the rich. They earned it. Being a fortunate son has its advantages. If you want them, go earn them and stop being a lazy ass.

I hate socialism. I love the military. It doesn’t matter to me that the military is provided to me by the contributions of all taxpayers, and defends me as it defends all. I don’t care if the Interstate Highway System was built in this manner as well. That was then. If bridges collapse now, people that live near the bridge should pay to fix it, not me.

I believe in a strong military. I believe in our right to preemptively defend ourselves, even if that is an oxymoron. I also believe that we should have the right to bomb any country we believe might be threatening us back into the Stone Age, and that the people of those countries we are invading have no right to defend themselves. I believe a sovereign and safe America also includes annexing the countries of Canada and Mexico.

Republicans believe in an all volunteer military, and I am against the draft – because in a society that runs properly there should be a large pool of poor people with no other options whom we can attack and disparage for being lazy and not joining the military. A military composed of large numbers of volunteer minorities and rural poor whites can only be a good thing.

A country, which runs on oil cannot afford to run out, and I believe in invading countries, that have large supplies of the oil America needs. I don’t care that nearly all the Republican leadership who have ordered these wars all had deferments in past wars. The fact that the largest profits in the history of the human race – for Exxon – didn’t start to happen until we invaded oil-rich countries is irrelevant.

I vote Republican because I hate Social Security. If only McCain and Bush had succeeded in getting all of our Social Security into the stock market, there may have been just enough money there to keep Wall Street from collapsing – until that source of money dried up and everybody lost their retirement savings.

I am grateful that the Republican has held the entire Congress for almost a decade and a half. I am grateful that we have a Republican majority on the Supreme Court, that Republicans run the Justice Department, FEMA, SEC, FEC, the Pentagon, Courts, Interior, DEC, etc., etc. All of America ’s problems are because Democrats have a slight Majority in the US House of Representatives for less than two years. I don’t care that the Democrats and Republicans had EQUAL amount of members in the Senate, and that the Democrats can’t pass even one single piece of legislation if all our lives depended on it without Senate Republicans allowing it to pass through unobstructed; and even if the legislation did pass unobstructed Bush would still have to agree to sign it. The collapse we are experiencing now is all Democrats fault. Rush Limbaugh said so, and I also saw it on FOX News.

I vote Republican because Sean Hannity told me that all our moral decay, and almost all of today’s problems can be traced back to one man – Bill Clinton, and one woman – Nancy Pelosi. If people would just listen to Bill O’Reilly, Hannity, Limbaugh, Ingraham, they would know that all failures that we have experienced are the fault of the Democrats, and all the successes we have experienced are because of Republicans. Don’t question why they say that, especially when the facts don’t jive with their statements. Just believe it.

The only reason America experienced the longest period of peace, equality, and personal prosperity during the Clinton years is because of Newt Gingrich, not Bill Clinton. After all, Clinton was having sex in the White House with Monica Lewinsky while Newt Gingrich was cheating on his wife and announcing his divorce from her while she was in the surgical recovery ward following cancer surgery; and Rush Limbaugh was getting the second of his now-three divorces.

These are plenty of good reasons to vote Republican.

And if you don’t vote Republican, we’ll just impeach any Democrats who are elected and remove them from office, establish “Tea Parties” fomented and organized by Republicans, and take over the country by fiat or force if necessary, but we’re going to have our way. If you’re not for us, you’re against us – and if you’re against us, that makes you a traitor (and we WILL deal with traitors after we’re back in power – permanently).

Published inCurrent Events