Haven’t Done This For a While, A Sketch for You!
#WritingFromIsolationWard
Before:
Kevin was born on the mossy hills of Scotland and lived for a while in West Lothian before the mores of pre-Thatcher and REALLY pre-Oasis Great Britain sent his family across the ocean to North America. They moved here and there and Kevin did the same when he was old enough. Now he lives in London with his family and a Dog.
Kevin Wardrop is an amateur writer, amateur photographer and professional pain in the ass. He has worked in the PC support business for most of his adult life and has been accustomed to simply answering technical questions as a matter of fiat, it was his career choice after all. Now he herds cats and puppies for a living as well as babysitting the web enterprises at the heart of western industry.
Well, maybe not.
The thing is, umm, let me start over.
You know when you see a car crash or a disaster scene or a gurney with “something” on it? You know that desire you have to see what is under the sheets? I had that today about a URL that mentioned hobos, homeless folks. Now what I found were not hobos from what I could tell, just painfully poor people from Eastern Europe. you can tell Eastern Europeans from their 50s cloths and 80s hair. The first page made me, ill, and then there was the second through fifth.
Let me say that I have never seen the ravages of syphilis up close, but I may have today.
That is all.
I need to pour paint thinner into my eyes.
MMMMmm a blog entry about scatology, how appatizing on a Wednesday morning!
Anyway, the real topic of this post is not all things crap related, but it is somewhat crappy in nature.
I’ve been here in the United States for over two years now. Freaky. It’s been two years since I actually lived in a proper country, with real values and an actual social system. The system of government here is laughable and the people themselves, the majority it seems, are so self-involved they may never actually stop this non-stop downward spiral. Look, I enjoy money and spending more than most, I’m sure. However, I’m more than happy to pay my share in taxes and user fees to keep my life comfortable, however, after long debates both live and on the net I have to imagine that Many americans want eveything that the Government provides to somehow be free. As if the people behind it don’t need to be paid. These same people applaud when the government allows a service to be privatized, which inevitably drives up the cost of running said service, and therefore even more money comes out of their own pocket, then they complain. They want user fees, but complain when a politician wants a gas tax to pay for road upkeep, etc. These people are insane, with few exceptions.
There is no middle of the road here.
There is no real centerist movement.
There is only kind left or kinda right and really left or really right.
The really left are instane.
The really right want to eat your baby.
scary stuff, no?
Rant: #001
From: David (LiftUp@yahoo.com)
While I don’t believe people should have been ruined by renting The Last Temptation of Christ from their video stores, they should have known better. It was no surprize that this film offended every american. All they had to do was to remove the movie from their stores. They didn’t and they suffered the consequences. The next time, maybe people will think twice about what movies they put in their stores. This isn’t a question about censorship, it’s a question about common sense.
Dammit. Why do people show how ignorant they are? “They should have known better” , “All they had to do was remove the movie” , “This isn’t … about censorship”
People like David here are just a bruise on the face of the world.
Anonymous feedback given to me today:
I am disturbed to see that once again Mr. Wardrop is displaying the following status message on Yahoo messenger account:
“SR#, notes, cash?”
Mr. Wardrop’s abrasive, elitist attitude already makes him undesirable to work with. The (albeit humorous) insinuation that he should be reimbursed for having to actually do some work (something one rarely witnesses), in addition to being a grade 8 (he loves to remind us of his grade 8-ness), is extremely offensive.
Italics added by me
You know, anonymous feedback delivered the way this was is the same as giving feedback on a website. There is little one can do to cite the source. I have to question the whole statement, they seem to be offended that I am better than them and being reminded that I am better than them hurts them. Let me say it again, I AM better than you. Since when I have a problem with someone, I make it plain and tell THEM, not leave typewritten notes in mailboxes. I have to assume it was one of my direct co-workers, who would be the most likely to remember my near constant missives about how I am the King of the world. Yes, I am an obnoxious classist. I feel that I am smarter and more talented that a large portion of the population, in fact, I have been scientifically proven to be more intelligent that 70% of the population. That means that statistically speaking, there are 4,200,000,000 on the planet today that I am smarter than. That makes me proud. It should make you proud that you get to deal with someone who is so talented when you need help! Jared is smarter still, he is smarter than 5,000,000,000 people, can you imagine. If we instituted a purge based on intelligence, 5,000,000,000 people would die before Jared. The marked difference between Jared and I is that I want you to know how smart and special I am, and Jared wants desperately to be left alone.
So, my cowardly foil, I say put up or shut up, Come on down and tell me, or anyone else for that matter, how you feel or just seethe. I’m betting you’ll just seethe.
P.S.: So that you have something else to write about. I have a big head and an ego to go with it. Also, I recommend making fun of my weight and any grammar errors you find in this little missive.
E: What is this? Are you a Squid?
G: Was ist dieses? Sind Sie ein Kalmar?
I am losing my mind. Are you very fond of that arm?
Ich verliere meinen Verstand. Sind Sie in diesen Arm sehr vernarrt?
What is that thing under the stairs?
Was ist diese Sache unter der Treppe?
This is not reality!
Dieses ist nicht Wirklichkeit!
Kindly remove me from this large enclosed bowl, for I am not amphibious!
Entfernen Sie mich bitte von dieser großen beiliegenden Schüssel, denn ich bin nicht amphibisch!
Have you met my fried c’thulu? He is truly a fine old fellow!
Haben Sie mein gebratenes c’thulu getroffen? Er ist wirklich ein feiner alter Gefährte!
“I’m sorry, but is that your tentacle in my underwear?”
Ich traurig, aber sind sind dieses tentacle in meiner Unterwäsche?
Please remove your giant penis like tounge from my room, it is quite disturbing!
Entfernen Sie bitte Ihren riesigen Penis wie tounge von meinem Raum, es stört durchaus!
I am smitten by your prowess with that sword, make love to me!
Ich smitten durch Ihre Fähigkeit mit dieser Klinge, bilde mir Liebe!
Are you a lesbian?
Sind Sie ein Lesbier?
Is that the famous former english prime minister Margret Thatcher?
Ist der der berühmte ehemalige englische Premierminister Margret Thatcher?
I had the opportunity to watch Madeleine Albright’s testimony before the 9/11 commision yesterday, on TV that is. Besides the eloquence and poise she displayed and the reams of informaiton provided, she also took the time to admonish the current administration. She did so in the form of flattering attacks, “the president is under al ot of stress…making the US unpopular” etc…
It was fun, no wonder she was able to make so many friends around the world.
re: normalbobsmith shutdown
Published by NiteMayr on April 16, 2004I’m reprinting this letter by a friend of mine to the laptop lobbyists (more on them later):
Click Here for news from normalbobsmith or Here for some discussion on the matter
Date: Wed Mar 31, 2004 8:35 pm
Subject: My letter to Laptop Lobbyist
Dear Mr. Carmouche:
I would like to express my thanks for your efforts to shut down normalbobsmith.com
Like ‘Gerry,’ who was so offended by jesusdressup that he just had to get it on television; you too have done your bit to spread the word to a far greater and ever widening audience. Public awareness of what was once an obscure cult website is now, due to your diligence, at least an order of magnitude [look it up] greater than it was.
All this at no expense to Bob! Isn’t that special?
This is called “irony” and “unintended consequences.”
Why am I not surprised that while you proclaim to be defending American values on behalf of others – at $20.00 a pop – you are eager to silence the free speech of someone with whom you disagree and who gives you offence?
You are offended by jesusdressup? So what? Like sleaze television, you can always change the channel. Do you feel that somehow you have a divine and legal right to go through life without being offended?
Parts of your own web site are deeply offensive. You seem to represent, and pander to, the worst possible instincts of the mob – fear, prejudice, ignorance and bigotry. Even more despicably, you give every appearance of doing it for the money. This puts you and the sleaziest televangelists (I do not name Pat Robertson, Jim and Tammy Fae Baker and their ilk) on an equal footing.
NormalBobSmith, at least, is completely un-hypocritical about his motivations. He wants to have fun, make money and avoid manual labour. That he is using the Christian religion to do so is unremarkable and traditional. Ask any divinity student or alter boy.
However much you are repelled by the concept, the American value of the Right to Free Speech applies to us all, not just those you deem worthy and sufficiently inoffensive.
We’re not talking about child pornography or shouting “FIRE!” in a theatre. This is more along the line of “The Emperor has no clothes.”
This is, so I am assured, a free country, and you are entitled to believe whatever you wish, however imaginative.
To paraphrase Diderot, none should rest until the last Priest is strangled in the entrails of the last Mullah.
Yours Sincerely,
More on the Laptop Lobbyists
This seems to be yet another conservative values group that allows conservative fatheads to pay for a multitude of faxes/letters to be sent to parties that offend them, all through paypal. Sad sacks of crap that these folks are they seem to get results. Damn them to hell.
Here are some of their past works:
After a long slog through the net I could only find stories related to normalbobsmith and “Bad Santa” These people are not only lazy, but inneffective, good for them.
It’s about time we had fun at their expense, spammers please harvest this email address webmaster@laptoplobbyist.com
Folks, please change your publicly displayed email address on EVERY public forum you are part of to “somehting”@laptoplobbyist.com
I imagine that the current round of spam/worm folks will have that info harvested and used as a fake from/to address in a matter of 10-20 hours.