Actual Customer Feedback

Anonymous feedback given to me today:
I am disturbed to see that once again Mr. Wardrop is displaying the following status message on Yahoo messenger account:

“SR#, notes, cash?”

Mr. Wardrop’s abrasive, elitist attitude already makes him undesirable to work with. The (albeit humorous) insinuation that he should be reimbursed for having to actually do some work (something one rarely witnesses), in addition to being a grade 8 (he loves to remind us of his grade 8-ness), is extremely offensive.
Italics added by me

You know, anonymous feedback delivered the way this was is the same as giving feedback on a website. There is little one can do to cite the source. I have to question the whole statement, they seem to be offended that I am better than them and being reminded that I am better than them hurts them. Let me say it again, I AM better than you. Since when I have a problem with someone, I make it plain and tell THEM, not leave typewritten notes in mailboxes. I have to assume it was one of my direct co-workers, who would be the most likely to remember my near constant missives about how I am the King of the world. Yes, I am an obnoxious classist. I feel that I am smarter and more talented that a large portion of the population, in fact, I have been scientifically proven to be more intelligent that 70% of the population. That means that statistically speaking, there are 4,200,000,000 on the planet today that I am smarter than. That makes me proud. It should make you proud that you get to deal with someone who is so talented when you need help! Jared is smarter still, he is smarter than 5,000,000,000 people, can you imagine. If we instituted a purge based on intelligence, 5,000,000,000 people would die before Jared. The marked difference between Jared and I is that I want you to know how smart and special I am, and Jared wants desperately to be left alone.

So, my cowardly foil, I say put up or shut up, Come on down and tell me, or anyone else for that matter, how you feel or just seethe. I’m betting you’ll just seethe.

P.S.: So that you have something else to write about. I have a big head and an ego to go with it. Also, I recommend making fun of my weight and any grammar errors you find in this little missive.

Playing Now: nine inch nails kinda i want to
Update:  I bet they didn’t bring an SR# either!

Useful German phrases for Lovecraftian Lor

E: What is this? Are you a Squid?
G: Was ist dieses? Sind Sie ein Kalmar?

I am losing my mind. Are you very fond of that arm?
Ich verliere meinen Verstand. Sind Sie in diesen Arm sehr vernarrt?

What is that thing under the stairs?
Was ist diese Sache unter der Treppe?

This is not reality!
Dieses ist nicht Wirklichkeit!

Kindly remove me from this large enclosed bowl, for I am not amphibious!
Entfernen Sie mich bitte von dieser großen beiliegenden Schüssel, denn ich bin nicht amphibisch!

Have you met my fried c’thulu? He is truly a fine old fellow!
Haben Sie mein gebratenes c’thulu getroffen? Er ist wirklich ein feiner alter Gefährte!

Helpful Phrases for Hentai in German

“I’m sorry, but is that your tentacle in my underwear?”

Ich traurig, aber sind sind dieses tentacle in meiner Unterwäsche?

Please remove your giant penis like tounge from my room, it is quite disturbing!

Entfernen Sie bitte Ihren riesigen Penis wie tounge von meinem Raum, es stört durchaus!

I am smitten by your prowess with that sword, make love to me!

Ich smitten durch Ihre Fähigkeit mit dieser Klinge, bilde mir Liebe!

Are you a lesbian?

Sind Sie ein Lesbier?

Is that the famous former english prime minister Margret Thatcher?

Ist der der berühmte ehemalige englische Premierminister Margret Thatcher?

Madeline Albright can Win you over

I had the opportunity to watch Madeleine Albright’s testimony before the 9/11 commision yesterday, on TV that is. Besides the eloquence and poise she displayed and the reams of informaiton provided, she also took the time to admonish the current administration. She did so in the form of flattering attacks, “the president is under al ot of stress…making the US unpopular” etc…

It was fun, no wonder she was able to make so many friends around the world.

Playing Now: Radiohead f. The Sneaker PimpsClimbing Up The Walls

Damn you Zombies!!!!

I hate it when I fall intothe trap of watching a zombie flick late at night, I always end up dreaming about it all night. Jen and I watched the 10 minute “Dawn of the Dead” preview last night, before bed. So, as per usual, I was left dreaming about the Zombie Apocolypse that the movie entails. Mostly just wandering around “the Day After” running into other survivors. The Zombies didn’t make a big showing until one point later in the dream when a helicopter crashes into a group of people at a party (?) and zombies sprung forth from the hurt. Man, I hate zombie dreams.

Again, let me state this, I hate zombies.

Playing Now: MobyLanding