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Category: Creative Work

My Little Christo-Fascist

Published by NiteMayr on October 1, 2008

Special Note: Yes, the title of this post is deliberately provocative.  Sometimes I just like to poke the bear and see if it really is asleep or just lying in wait.

I was raised Catholic and questions of faith and religion truly do enthuse me; I enjoy the debate and the conflict that surrounds religion. I willingly get into conflicts with my friends and family over religion and hope that my views on the matter have evolved over time in response to new information and my own personal growth as a person.  I also strongly believe that my brain wasn’t fully baked in place until my mid-twenties, and may still be cooling today.

Continue readingMy Little Christo-Fascist

Project Billy Part 4

Published by NiteMayr on September 29, 2008

Pika-Pooooooooo

The yellow rat was cute, that was for sure.  Billy didn’t look too happy about having a small pile of raisin-style defecants in his hand though.  For once, he wasn’t crying about it though.  Billy began to pet the neon-colored rat and it nuzzled his palm as he stroked it.

Billy pushed past me and sat at Mitzi’s desk, setting the rodent down on Mitzi’s paperwork and wiping the small pile of pellets from his hand into the trash.

“He hasn’t ate anything, but he keeps on pooping!” Billy lopsidedly grinned, “it’s a little poop machine, I guess it’s better than an electric mouse.  So, guys, what is going on?”

“Billy, uh, what do you mean?” I stammered a bit and looked to Mitzi to navigate through this.

“You two are both talkin’ in here, like it’s some kinda work meeting that.  Somethin’ up?” Billy scratched the Yellow Rat’s head.  It prompty soiled every paper on Mitzi’s desk out of sheer happiness. “I’m done with the project by the way, man.  It’s all over.  Do you think I could take a few days off this week, just today and tomorrow?”

Mitzi unclenched and walked over behind his desk and sat down, he saved what papers he could and noted on post-it’s what he would have to replace.   “Sure Billy, you can take a couple days off.  What about your partner here?”

“I,uh, yeah, I could use a couple days off too”  I sat down in the chair next to Billy.

“You guys are so intent on working me until I’m crazy, aren’t you” Billy straightened up. “The Popes, now this. You left your laptop on when you went to your desk and I could see some of the IMs from Mitzi up.”

“Look Billy, it’s not like we were trying to hurt you, these popes are amazing!  Did you always make stuff appear like this?” Mitzi started to settle into a rhythm, trying to smooth Billy out. “Billy, we’re your friends, it’s okay, you know.  You’re going to be well-paid for this when we figure out all the details, you know?”

“I know, man!  I know!  I already snagged all the notes off of Jerk-ass’s laptop here”  He thumbed at me.  “I’m gonna spend the next few days thinking about what I’m gonna do about this.  I can’t sue your asses, that would mean I’d have to produce these things,”he motioned to the foot tall Pope Eustace III that had waddled into the room, “all the time, just to prove I can.  Naw, man.  This is something else, I was going crazy.  YOU!  You put the idea in my head about the John Lennon thing too.”

I willed myself to get smaller, to shrink out of sight.  Billy was my friend and I had been exploiting his neurosis for my own ends.  I couldn’t have felt worse at that point in time. Mitzi figured out how to make it worse.

“Billy, c’mon, cool down.  It’s just between us.”

“Shut up! You Jim-Jay-Bullock looking fucker!” Billy stood up and pointed at me “This fucker is going to take me to the bar and get me drunker than a middle-school kid with two bottles of manischewitz!  Then you’re gonna cut me a check for a nice vacation, away from you assholes.  Maybe I’ll go to Disney World or something. C’mon asshole, get your ass in gear, it’s time to get my dose of Vitamin B”

Mitzi gave me a pained look and I got up to follow Billy as he led me out of the office and down the streets.  He straightened himself and looked at me with a devilish gleam in his eye.  “Do you wanna see something really cool man?”

“Uh, sure” I said, not sure what to expect.

“Check this out!” Billy held out his hand and 2 one-hundred dollar bills appeared in his hand.

“Holy Shit, since when can you do that?” I stared at the bills.

“Since I read your reports to Mitzi, man.  I was so mad at first, then I figured out what was really going on, I can make shit appear outta nowhere.  Then I gave it a bit of thought, I was kinda heavy when this all started and now I’m sorta thin, right?”

Billy had lost a ton of weight since we started seeing the Popes, mitzi and I had chalked it up to stress.

“It’s why they poop so much, they’re made of the stuff.  I make them out of the crap in my colon”  Billy beamed.  It’s poop-magic.

“So What now?  Are we cool?”  I asked.

“Oh yeah, man, we’re cool.  I know you didn’t really want to hurt me.  Next time you have a project that involves me thoughh, you tell me, kay?” he put his arm around me and stuff the bills into my pocket.

“How did you know abou the Poke-monster thing?”

“I was outside the door when Mitzi said it. So, are we gonna get our drunk on?”  Billy swerved me towards the Bar and sat at the counter.

“Billy, it’s only 10 AM.  Can we start with something light?”  I was overwhelmed.

“Sure man, two stouts”

Suddenly two stouts appeared in front of me.

“Drink up man”

Billy Grinned.

Poem: For an Immoral Bottom Dwellor

Published by NiteMayr on September 12, 2008

I am now totally going out on the streets with a BAN DUFFY NOW placard. I would *love* to have a poem written because of me. What a memorial!
posted by low_horrible_immoral at 9:38 AM on September 12

oh what a beastie is this, when winds are blown from o’er it’s rump?

For it sighs in repose and calls for censure and retort from no cause and no strong tort.

For when can a beast from the bottom say when the sun should shine, for it’s own jealous eye can see no light.

In which I test out the audio player tool

Published by NiteMayr on August 31, 2008

This is an mp3 I produced for a wedding; I hear Mary’s Wedding at “traditional weddings” all the time and I really can’t stand hearing the same one all the time; so I made a short rendition for the wedding:

[audio:SWGTtheAM.mp3]

Angie has Tattoos

Published by NiteMayr on August 30, 2008
Angie has Tattoos, originally uploaded by NiteMayr.

This is my friend Angie; whom I met many many many years ago. We’re pretty estranged these days, but in the halcyon days of yore we were good buds. She was totally afraid of “The Shining” when she was younger, and for some reason this picture of her has had over 500 hits in the past 36 hours. It’s not a ton of hits, but it’s a strange upsurge.

Is it linked somewhere that I don’t know about?

You can check out more of my photographs at: Flickr

Quick Story: Bobo and the Newspapers

Published by NiteMayr on August 28, 2008

Bobo the Chimp having previously gained his freedom from the Brentwood Academy; set about learning all he could about the human world beyond his gated and caged world.  Previous to his escape; he had lived on what he learned from errant radio and newspapers.  He had come to believe that the human world was filled with dangers and worrisome crowds of monsters who would prey upon him, (morese because he chose to disguise himself as a child).

The Real world proved to be just as worrisome; but not as horrifying as the newspapers had made it seem.  Bebo noted that the Humans seemed to rush through their days, going back and forth from place to place in seemingly endless circles.  He gripped the Omega Nugget tight in his paw when he wandered the late night streets; willing the people that passed him to simply ignore his hairy arms; especially when he couldn’t get shaved.  Remarkably; most people simply ignored him or thought him afflicted with some terrible condition.  Those in the latter group were to two types; one would see him and make a concious effort to avoid contact and the others would approach and engage him.  Bobo found the latter more troublesome as he had not mastered Human speech and would have to gesture to them to leave him alone.

One late summer evening; after a long subway ride and a visit to the park, Bobo found himself wandering the streets near a series of Bars and Clubs; it was too early for the normal crowds and Bobo always gravitated to the more “empty” parts of town when he could.  It made avoiding people easier and he could be sure to avoid any unwanted trouble from rowdy children and criminals.  Bobo was lost in thought when he was approached by an old lady, dressed in a pink overcoat and wearing a similarily color cake shaped hat.

“‘ere, yoo look like wun ‘a them monkies, yoo doo!” she cackled and pointed at Bobo, “innit, it’s a monkey!  ‘ere Mavis.  Look at this ‘ere monkey!  Ooos a handsome lad then?”  She cooed to Bobo and crooked a finger to call him to her.   “Awww, c’mere and give us a kiss you little fellar.  I likes Monkeys, yoo looks like a fine feller.”

Bobo had dealt with drunken ladies before; he bared his teeth at her and gave a low keening squeal between them, as if hurt.  The lady and her friend recoiled from Bobo and stopped their coaxing.  Bobo snorted and waddled past them, shrinking his head into his jacket and pulling his scarf up over his mouth.

The ladies watched him go, not sure what they had just seen.  They were both sure that they had been speaking to a hairy kid; but now they weren’t sure.  When they sobered up they would both swear that they had seen a monkey wearing clothes and walking in the entertainment district, but being well known-drunks their story wouldn’t be well-regarded.

Bobo; for his part had learned to avoid people who had been drinking heavily and kept his walks to the late evening and early mornings.

Top Three Reasons Dennis Kucinich is a Bad Ass

Published by NiteMayr on August 28, 2008
Whats that? Is Dennis Kucinich gonna have to Pocket Constitution on you?
What's that? Is Dennis Kucinich gonna have to Pocket Constitution on you?

After his firey speech at the DNC in August 2008, Dennis Kucinich has regained some of the stature that his supporters felt he deserved; he’s the *real* liberal left wing of the Democrats, but he is also something else.  Dennis Kucinich is a Bad-ass Mutha-‘Effer.

3. He’s a Sexy Mutha-‘Effer

She loves him for his mind.  That’s what you keep telling yourself.  It’s because of his liberal policies and strong political opinions.  His stance on Women’s rights and Abortion are what attracted her, sure.  It was the fact that he’s smoother than airgel and harder than steel that keeps the ladies on him.  Kucinich has the prowess of John Holmes and the Mind of a Savant.   Even Dolomite can’t hang in Kucinich’s ‘hood.

Special Note: His Pimp Juice is a nice tea.  His love engine runs on righteousness and awesome.

2.  Aliens Fear and Revere Him

Aliens for Dennis
Aliens for Dennis

“The smell of roses drew him out to my balcony where, when he looked up, he saw a gigantic triangular craft, silent, and observing him,” she wrote. “It hovered, soundless, for 10 minutes or so, and sped away with a speed he couldn’t comprehend. He said he felt a connection in his heart and heard directions in his mind.”
Shirley MacLaine

What Miss MacLaine wasn’t aware of is that for those 10 minutes, Dennis was transported invisibly into the ship and taken to the home planet of those Aliens.  They wanted to study the Man, (they had seen his wife on news broadcasts and wanted to study the man in person).  The only problem being that while Dennis isn’t violent, he is fully capable of whipping some grey ass when the need is there.  After hours of ongoing psychic combat and a series of acrobatic and violent fist fights, Dennis Subdued the leader of the Greys and convinced them that he wasn’t going to take over their planet in a violent coup, instead he left them a copy of the consitution and asked politely to be taken back to earth.  9 minutes and 30 seconds after they appeared, the aliens left Dennis on Earth in approximately 14.3 years the denizens of a future earth will see the new constellation “Dennis Kucinich” in the neighborhood of Alpha Centauri, home of the nearest inhabited planet it takes 10 years to build new stars you know.

1.  Dennis Kucinich had a Mafia Hit on him, and the Mafia had to abandon it.

Is this man about to put a Hit on Someone?
Is this man about to put a Hit on Someone?

During his tenure as Mayor of Cleveland, the Mafia put a hit out on “The Boy Mayor” (Dennis was 31).  The official story is that Dennis was in hospital the day the hit was planned and so it was called off, the truth is something a great deal darker; and the reason Dennis refuses to ever pick up a gun again.  The fact of the matter is that Dennis Kucinich is the inspiration for “The Killer” and “The Punisher”

That fateful Columbus Day, the major crime families in Cleveland suffered under the twin pistols of “El Morte Diabalous”  the horribly misspelled “Death Devil” who stalked the streets of Cleveland, murdering the evil drug pushing, murdering, leg-breakers that he found.  All totaled Dennis sent 25 men to their maker and spent the rest of the day in hospital for burns on his hands.  Dennis vowed from that day forth to hone his mind into a weapon so that he would never kill another person, with a gun.