Pika-Pooooooooo
The yellow rat was cute, that was for sure. Billy didn’t look too happy about having a small pile of raisin-style defecants in his hand though. For once, he wasn’t crying about it though. Billy began to pet the neon-colored rat and it nuzzled his palm as he stroked it.
Billy pushed past me and sat at Mitzi’s desk, setting the rodent down on Mitzi’s paperwork and wiping the small pile of pellets from his hand into the trash.
“He hasn’t ate anything, but he keeps on pooping!” Billy lopsidedly grinned, “it’s a little poop machine, I guess it’s better than an electric mouse. So, guys, what is going on?”
“Billy, uh, what do you mean?” I stammered a bit and looked to Mitzi to navigate through this.
“You two are both talkin’ in here, like it’s some kinda work meeting that. Somethin’ up?” Billy scratched the Yellow Rat’s head. It prompty soiled every paper on Mitzi’s desk out of sheer happiness. “I’m done with the project by the way, man. It’s all over. Do you think I could take a few days off this week, just today and tomorrow?”
Mitzi unclenched and walked over behind his desk and sat down, he saved what papers he could and noted on post-it’s what he would have to replace. “Sure Billy, you can take a couple days off. What about your partner here?”
“I,uh, yeah, I could use a couple days off too” I sat down in the chair next to Billy.
“You guys are so intent on working me until I’m crazy, aren’t you” Billy straightened up. “The Popes, now this. You left your laptop on when you went to your desk and I could see some of the IMs from Mitzi up.”
“Look Billy, it’s not like we were trying to hurt you, these popes are amazing! Did you always make stuff appear like this?” Mitzi started to settle into a rhythm, trying to smooth Billy out. “Billy, we’re your friends, it’s okay, you know. You’re going to be well-paid for this when we figure out all the details, you know?”
“I know, man! I know! I already snagged all the notes off of Jerk-ass’s laptop here” He thumbed at me. “I’m gonna spend the next few days thinking about what I’m gonna do about this. I can’t sue your asses, that would mean I’d have to produce these things,”he motioned to the foot tall Pope Eustace III that had waddled into the room, “all the time, just to prove I can. Naw, man. This is something else, I was going crazy. YOU! You put the idea in my head about the John Lennon thing too.”
I willed myself to get smaller, to shrink out of sight. Billy was my friend and I had been exploiting his neurosis for my own ends. I couldn’t have felt worse at that point in time. Mitzi figured out how to make it worse.
“Billy, c’mon, cool down. It’s just between us.”
“Shut up! You Jim-Jay-Bullock looking fucker!” Billy stood up and pointed at me “This fucker is going to take me to the bar and get me drunker than a middle-school kid with two bottles of manischewitz! Then you’re gonna cut me a check for a nice vacation, away from you assholes. Maybe I’ll go to Disney World or something. C’mon asshole, get your ass in gear, it’s time to get my dose of Vitamin B”
Mitzi gave me a pained look and I got up to follow Billy as he led me out of the office and down the streets. He straightened himself and looked at me with a devilish gleam in his eye. “Do you wanna see something really cool man?”
“Uh, sure” I said, not sure what to expect.
“Check this out!” Billy held out his hand and 2 one-hundred dollar bills appeared in his hand.
“Holy Shit, since when can you do that?” I stared at the bills.
“Since I read your reports to Mitzi, man. I was so mad at first, then I figured out what was really going on, I can make shit appear outta nowhere. Then I gave it a bit of thought, I was kinda heavy when this all started and now I’m sorta thin, right?”
Billy had lost a ton of weight since we started seeing the Popes, mitzi and I had chalked it up to stress.
“It’s why they poop so much, they’re made of the stuff. I make them out of the crap in my colon” Billy beamed. It’s poop-magic.
“So What now? Are we cool?” I asked.
“Oh yeah, man, we’re cool. I know you didn’t really want to hurt me. Next time you have a project that involves me thoughh, you tell me, kay?” he put his arm around me and stuff the bills into my pocket.
“How did you know abou the Poke-monster thing?”
“I was outside the door when Mitzi said it. So, are we gonna get our drunk on?” Billy swerved me towards the Bar and sat at the counter.
“Billy, it’s only 10 AM. Can we start with something light?” I was overwhelmed.
“Sure man, two stouts”
Suddenly two stouts appeared in front of me.
“Drink up man”
Billy Grinned.
The Moral Majority Never Cease to Amaze
Published by NiteMayr on September 26, 2008The backstory on this post is over here; essentially a young mother (16) wouldn’t let the police take her sick baby away from her. The police were (if the story is accurate) simply acting in the “best interest” of the baby, but that’s not the reason I’m interested in this story. It sucks that the girl was tasered, it sucks worse that the baby is going to have all this turmoil in their life and be sick (for the rest of their life). I’ll quote the article here so that the main thrust is apparent:
Some of the details in the original story are vague, it takes a neutral tone to a fault, making the whole situation kind of muddy and doesn’t really provide enough framing on an obviously emotional story to allow us to form an opinion either way. It’s good news, but a smart editor should have caught the kind of emotions it would provoke and tossed in some detail about the mother, the police and the whole situation to allow for fully-formed emotional responses rather than the knee-jerk ones we are treated to by the anonymous trolls I’ve quoted above.
It’s these trolls that I wish to address; I’m not referring to them as trolls in the internet sense (as in trolling for newbs, yo!) I’m referring to them in the (excuse the term) biblical sense, real trolls. They squat around the internet and look for their next moral target, blaming the victims of police or government over-exuberance for not “just laying back and taking it like a man”
This girl has done what the Trolls wanted, she birthed a baby when she clearly could not handle it and should have taken the sane option of simply aborting the fetus or giving it up for adoption. She clearly loves and wants the child. She has passed the “life is important test” which the right to life will tell you is the most important test of all. Why then, is she in a situation like this? Shouldn’t society be all over her? Making sure that both child and mother are in good shape? It certainly seems like the police are acting to enforce the will of society to “help” the child, but I would state that perhaps they were too exuberant.
It’s this very exuberance that the trolls on the page applaud.
Which makes me question their very humanity.