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Category: Creative Work

Hey Joe! What you doin' with my garbage?

Published by NiteMayr on July 8, 2008

I forgot what day it was last night, and put my garbage out on the curb.  My big, 2 weeks old garbage bag.  Full of chicken.

Get the picture?

Be glad I didn’t take one, it was a disaster.

What is it about garbage that attracts the animals?  Is it the rotting meat?  Ewww!

Jen ended up having to re-bag a bunch of garbage, fighting clouds of flies and beating a raccoon to death no doubt, since I was at work already.

I’m firmly in the “I wish we had bag tags so that I could put out extra garbage” camp.  I still don’t have recycling containers and so have tons of garbage that needs to be dealt with and last week I ended up having to store garbage in the garage as we had too many bags out.  If I could have paid to put out more bags, I would have.

Anyone in the London area know where I can buy recycling containers?

NiteMayr’s helpful advice on raccoon fighting:

Raccoon combat is never pretty, it always seems to involve low blows and insults about one’s mother. I will usually just toss some cat food off to the side and insult their love of “pussy food”.  Yes, it’s a low blow, but it puts them off-balance for the final “yo mama’s so furry that she has an entire page on Encyclopedia Dramatica” which sends them into a shame spiral.  It’s troubling that even racoons are familiar with ED, but that’s the viral nature of the ‘net for you!

–Nitemayr “Raccoon Combat”

Writer's Block? Let me have that

Published by NiteMayr on July 8, 2008

Writer’s Block? Let me have that, originally uploaded by NiteMayr.

Spencer tries to help out when I’m stuck for ideas, he’s just a kitten so you can’t really blame him for constantly suggesting that I write about that stuff in the sunbeams and the interesting way the birds move. Not that those aren’t important subjects, it’s just that I don’t find to much human appeal in writing about being scratched on the ears and eating kibble. I may be wrong, but I’ll keep to large hominid style writing for now Spencer.

Short Story: Where it Rains

Published by NiteMayr on July 6, 2008

I like working on the west coast, near the forests.  It always rains here.

No one ever looks up.

I can leap from building to building, righting wrongs and so on, no one ever looks up and says “hey, up there in the sky, is that Superman?”

I’m not Superman, I’m not even Super-Dog, or Super-Horse, I’m just Hiram.  Hiram the Secret Superman.

I’m also cripplingly shy and lose my powers when people see me using them.  Seriously.

My powers only work when no one knows I’m using them.  Super Strong, hell yeah, Invunerable, sure, Heat vision? Check.  Telekinesis, you bet!  Invisibility?  No.  There’s the rub.  I can’t operate without being observed in most places, especially the big cities on the east coast and mid-west.  There’s always a tourist looking up at the skyscrapers and saying “golly.”   So I live on the West Coast.  I love the rain and mostly work at night.

Some folks would wonder why I bother at all, my powers only work when I am working in secret, and I can’t even tell my best friend about it because he’d never believe me.  He’d just say “Hiram, you’re drunk or high or something” if I insisted, he’d take me to a doctor and that would be it.  My powers would never work again because someone, somewhere would know about it or question it and I’d be sunk.

It’s my secret though, and I feel great just flying around and throwing big heavy rocks around.  It’s hard to find places to just cut loose and have been thinking about just flying off into space one day.  Did I mention I can move at super speed too?  Yeah.  I got it all, except for Invisibility.

Here on the West Coast, it rains all the time and no one looks up.  So I can put out fires with super breath and stop robbers with my mind.  All without being seen.  It’s great.  The Crime rate has dropped to nearly half since I started operating out here.  The criminals are spooked, but don’t know why and are convinced that they are all just running into bad karma (thank you Left Coast Mysticism!).

Yeah, the West Coast is great, for Hiram the Secret Superman.

Extra Short Story: The Growing Season

Published by NiteMayr on June 30, 2008

After a good rainstorm, Alisha loved to go out and tour from puddle to puddle in her bare feet, feeling warm water and cool mud squashing around her toes as she splashed the water here and there.  The humid air of a summer storm hanging around her, the heat clinging to the day like a comforting hug.  Alisha sometimes just sat at the edge of really big puddles and hung her feet in them, poking one foot then the other out of the water, all brown and dirty with mud.

After a June full of rain, the grass and dirt were almost always soaked, so Alisha was sitting on a concrete curb and letting warm gutter runoff sluice over her feet when her daddy came home from work that night.

Continue readingExtra Short Story: The Growing Season

Last Conversation Ever

Published by NiteMayr on June 25, 2008 
Chat logs from icanchat.imcorp.soulitions.chatsubo.corp
10:35AM June 25, 2008 Conversation between Bunnikller1 and JimChats

BunniKller1:  Are you online?

JimChats:  I am online

BunniKller1: Do you know what happened?

JimChats: I would think that you know what happend

BunniKller1: I think that something has happened outside, I see people dying on the security cameras.

JimChats: What do you see on the security cameras?

Bunnikller1: I think I see the people being gassed or something. I think it’s terrorists.

JimChats: Why do you think it’s terrorists?

Bunnikller1: Because the people are dying outside.  I can see them.

JimChats:  Do you want to talk about them?

Bunnikller1:  No, I don’t want to talk about them anymore.

JimChats:  What do you want to talk about?

Bunnikller1:  I don’t know.  I will go and check things out.  Good Bye.

JimChats:  Good Bye.

Continue readingLast Conversation Ever

Not a Deep Crow

Published by NiteMayr on June 24, 2008

Deepack-CrowPa, originally uploaded by NiteMayr.

I paid the 10 bucks to get the full SPORE creature creator. Not really for me, but so that my kid could play with it and really get to see all she can do with SPORE when it comes out.

I tried to make a Deep Crow with it (but you can’t control the color all that well) so I had to punch it up in post.

Please enjoy Deepack-Crowpa

Get your Streetside Tan on!

Published by NiteMayr on June 24, 2008

Get your Streetside Tan on!, originally uploaded by NiteMayr.

Hola London, just outside the King’s Diner you can get a wicked tan! Just ask this guy. If he is there later on I’ll ask him who he is and if I can interview him.

Hey, if you have the time and the impetus, you should do what you want if it isn’t hurting anyone.

My co-worker thought this guy might be homeless, but a close inspection reveals a PDA in his chair there and the chair itself seems a bit extraneous for a homeless guy to need for a nice suntan.

Maybe tomorrow we’ll stop and ask him a few questions if he is still out there.