The Theatre Going Experience is better without you

Whenever there is a discussion about movies and or theaters; there will always be a posting like this:

Darksoul:

Theaters are over rated, for $4.99 I can watch any new released movie in HD on in demand and they always release on demand on the same day as the dvd releases. And the funny part is because I have bought movies from them all the time threw on demand Cox gives me like two bucks off so I only really pay $2.99. So what would I rather do sit at a theater listen to people talk on their cell phones and hear kids crying or people eating pop corn or sit in my living room in my recliner.?

Seriously they should just release movies right off for renting.

imronburgandy83:

Amen, movies are way too expensive now. My screen at home is way better anyways. Why pay $10+ to watch standard definition movies with annoying people?

Or These:

I am not going to theaters, nor buying full-priced DVD’s for my movie enjoyment, mostly because 90% of movies are lousy anyway.

spritomspritom
It does seem like we’ve been in a rut for a few months on movie quality.

666300666300
Legitimate dvd’s should cost like $5 then i would gladly buy whatever movie i wanted to watch.
$20- $25 is way too much and movies these days make millions of dollars in profit anyways.

howcansheslaphowcansheslap
Are the really lousy? Or do you just have different taste then other people?

kingatrockkingatrock
check rottentomatoes.com the majority are LOUSY.

AmazingSteveAmazingSteve
No they’re lousy. I used to take in 3, sometimes 4 movies a week up until 10 or 12 years ago when we REALLY started getting bombarded with absolute shite from Hollywood.

comfort1872comfort1872
I know! The movies these days are SO bad that I will only watch them for free! THAT is how bad they are! Just terrible! THAT is why I pirate! Because I only pirate crappy movies!

CuchanuCuchanu

You obviously haven’t seen Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, etc.

kinseyincanadakinseyincanada

yet you will still pirate most movies. Just because something is shitty doesnt mean you deserve to get it for free.

The movie theater near me that I affectionatly refer to as the local “Dirt Theater” has 8 screens, all of which are taller and wider than my home, a three story 3 bedroom with full basement and all the mod cons one would love.  Each screen is accompanied by loveseat style thatre seats that allow one to get cozy and large accomodating aisles that (for the most part) leave you miles from the people ahead and behind you.  This is the “Dirt” theatre.  As in the crappiest one nearby.   It is 1-million times better than the 52 inch LCD HD tv that my sister-in-law sports and better still than the 62-inch projection deal my more affluent friends have going.  The screen in the cheapest theatre around me (gives you free tickets if you go to a week day showing, when no KIDS OR LOUD ASSHOLES ARE THERE) has excellent popcorn and snacks and an amazing digital sound system that immerses one in the movie.  On top of that you can see the movie with 20-40 of your friends or co-workers and no one is forced to sit on the ground or anything.

How watching a movie at home alone is superior to this experience I will never know.

All of  that aside, if your aspergers has become so pronounced that you cannot stand the idea of enjoying a social event like a big movie premiere, I understand.  I mean, you are backward and socially withdrawn and you hate crowds, I get it.  Sure.

However, the “Movies Suck Now” argument is SO disinginuous, one hardly has the blood in one’s brain to even take the time to comment on it.

It would seem that people look at the movies of yesteryear as some kind of geneology that led somehow to a generation of subnormals that communicate only in grunts.

These are the top grossing movies of 1995 (14 years ago)

191,773,049 Toy Story (1995)
183,997,904 Batman Forever (1995)
141,600,000 Pocahontas (1995)
108,344,348 Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995)
100,475,249 Jumanji (1995)
100,328,194 Casper (1995)
100,125,000 Se7en (1995)
100,003,359 Die Hard: With a Vengeance (1995)
99,929,196 GoldenEye (1995)
91,400,000 Crimson Tide (1995)

Which of these Opus’ to the human condition was somehow better than say “Taken” or “[Rec]” or “The Dark Knight”  okay se7en was a masterpiece.  The rest, mass culture drek, enjoyable films, but not exactly hard eyed examinations of the human condition or a means to excel the art of film itself.

Twelve Years Ago:

600,779,824 Titanic (1997)
250,147,615 Men in Black (1997)
229,074,524 The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)
181,395,380 Liar Liar (1997)
172,620,724 Air Force One (1997)
147,637,474 As Good as It Gets (1997)
138,339,411 Good Will Hunting (1997)
126,805,112 My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997)
125,332,007 Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
112,225,777 Face/Off (1997)

One Non-Hollywood movie and the one Bond Movie… (same as 1995)

1987

167,780,960 3 Men and a Baby (1987)
156,645,693 Fatal Attraction (1987)
153,665,000 Beverly Hills Cop II (1987)
123,922,370 Good Morning, Vietnam (1987)
80,640,528 Moonstruck (1987)
76,270,454 The Untouchables (1987)
66,995,879 The Secret of My Succe$s (1987)
65,207,127 Lethal Weapon (1987)
63,952,836 Dirty Dancing (1987)
63,766,510 The Witches of Eastwick (1987)

The Top Grossing movie from 1987 starred three aging men cooing over a baby girl (and may have starred a ghost!!!), hey look, two Cher movies too.

Popular movies will always be drek and pap.  That’s why they are popular, they hit that good middle of the road where people above and below the line of average intelligence can see them.  Sometimes the under the line’r folks just go ro more movies…

Uh.

Subnormals watch a large number of movies.

Shoot, I’m digging a hole here.

Anyway, 1977

460,935,665 Star Wars (1977)
102,000,000 The Goodbye Girl (1977)
50,800,000 A Bridge Too Far (1977)
38,251,425 Annie Hall (1977)
31,063,038 High Anxiety (1977)
28,000,000 Slap Shot (1977)
28,000,000 Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo (1977)
26,414,658 The Gauntlet (1977)
25,850,802 Saturday Night Fever (1977)
24,652,021 The Other Side of Midnight (1977)

There is a Herbie movie in there.  Slap Shot, while considered a classic is hardly a pinnace of movie making.  The less critically said about Star Wars, the better.

Are we seeing a pattern here?  Mass Market movies will always “suck” in the eyes of overly critical assholes; they were never worth the 10cents movies cost when their Grandparents went to see them:

1957

33,300,000 The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
26,300,000 Sayonara (1957)
25,600,000 Peyton Place (1957)
11,750,000 Gunfight at the O.K. Corral (1957)
11,000,000 A Farewell to Arms (1957)
10,000,000 Bayou (1957)
8,750,000 The Pride and the Passion (1957)
8,000,000 Island in the Sun (1957)
7,000,000 The Curse of Frankenstein (1957)
4,000,000 Jailhouse Rock (1957)

That is an Elvis movie there and a Frankenstein Movie.

And may never be worth the money in the future either.

And just so I can make my point, you thought the MAtrix Sequels sucked, huh?

377,027,325 The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
339,714,367 Finding Nemo (2003)
305,388,685 Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
281,492,479 The Matrix Reloaded (2003)
242,589,580 Bruce Almighty (2003)
214,948,780 X2 (2003)
173,381,405 Elf (2003)
150,350,192 Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)
139,259,759 The Matrix Revolutions (2003)
138,614,544 Cheaper by the Dozen (2003)

Yeah, the movie going public didn’t think the same thing as you.

My favourite movie in the past decade (real movie, not action movie) was Garden State, I loved it.  It was not in the top ten movies of 2004, not by a long shot.  That doesn’t give me the authority to turn around and say “all movies are crap!” And your taste not matching up with the general public doesn’t validate your qualitative description either.

So, to conclude, the movie going experience is better without all the people who don’t like the social aspect of the theaters; who complain about the prices and the crowds.  The theater is better without the people who prefer to watch it on the Television over the Big Screen.  In short, I enjoy the movies better without you.

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My little Christo-Fascist says God is Angry with you

I’ve written about my daughter’s nascent fundamentalism before; it finally erupted into real problems for me over the past month.

It seems that a discussion about the Lenten Fast (Chocolate for Her if you must know) at a friend’s house led a major arguement and a dream in which God told my little girl that he was angry with the world.  I was not privvy to this dream or the argument until I received a call from the school (Catholic School no less) about my Daughter.

It seems she was cursing the kids to hell in the name of God.

And my wife wonders why I discourage religousness.  Sigh.

When speaking to the Principal I had to speak in code to avoid insulting my wife; placing the blame for the fundamentalist leanings in my daughter squarely on the shoulders of the Evilution-Denying shoulders of my wife and mother-in-law.  I’m game to discuss religion, but I always ensure that I frame it as a social coping mechanism.  It seems this nuance is lost on my little Christo-Fascist in training.

I apologized to the Principal and told him that I would speak to my Daughter about her behavior; we comiserated about Fundamentalism of that stripe and it’s corrosive effects and ended the call.  I then called my parents and asked them to NEVER discuss religion with my daughter again; as reinforcing it was causing trouble at school.

I’ve asked my wife to do the same with her family, but as I have said before “they’ve got the Jesus”…

Two More Years… Just Two more…