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Month: June 2008

Since reviews are subjective: Manohla, F**K your reviews

I haven’t seen “Wanted” yet.  I want to.  I do.  I don’t subscribe to the theory that male on male violence is some sort of release for homosexual angst.  This reviewer seem to think any kind of male on male violence is a precursor to surprise butt secks and sword fights.

Case an point “Manohla Dargis” reviews “Wanted” with this turn of phrase:

And Mr. Bekmambetov, a Russian filmmaker who has earned a cult following with his razzly-dazzly thrillers “Day Watch” and “Night Watch,” certainly proves here that he knows how to use every blunt tool of the bullying trade: flashy effects, zippy cuts, simulated death, walls of sound, wheels of steel and, in between the bullets and blood, a hot mama to make the brother-to-brother, man-on-man action less worrisome. This is, after all, a movie almost entirely organized around the sights and sounds of men piercing one another’s bodies, which makes for a whole lot of twitching and spurting.

Emphasis added by your faithful blogger

First of all, who begins a sentence with “And”?  The word ‘and’ shouldn’t be used that way; and is used to join concepts as an additive (you suck as a reviewer AND you are a hack) see?  That’s how one uses ‘and’!

The thrust of this little expulsion is to draw attention to the throbbing members of the review, all veiny and proud.  (See I can make penis jokes too!) However, I’m not a highly paid reviewer for the New York Times.  I assume highly paid, for all I know this person could be an intern.  However, their review history says otherwise.  That’s a good five year history there; good, nothing I write will hurt their feelings, they sat through and enjoyed Fido they clearly lost their sense of reason and ability to discern value in a film before they took up the reviewers pen.

I see nothing wrong with being funny in your reviews, I remember one review from Robert Ebert where the whole thing devolved into an anecdote about how a pair of young audience members could not get into a movie about pretty lesbians.  I can accept eccentricity in a review as well; but to pare a movie into a long gay joke?  Why?  It was the same with Jackass, Borat, Eastern Promise  and Fight Club, any kind of bare chested fighting gets into a movie and the main characters are suddenly picking out china patterns and looking for an apartment on Church Street in Toronto.

You know, I was bouncing around the idea of a Gay Cowboy movie years ago, not like Brokeback, but a real gay COWBOY movie, with action and gunplay and so on.  In a movie like that, you would expect gay jokes and so on, but with movies with clearly male-focused plot some reviewers can’t help themselves but to project a homosexual idea onto it.  Does that say more about the reviewer or the movie?

I asked my dad, who knows everything

On George Carlin:

Hes average, personally i like Chris Rock, Eddy Murphy and Russel Peters most. Never heard of him until he died and i even asked my dad, who knows most bigger comedians and he had never heard of him.

Feel free to link me to some of his good stuff, his 7 swearwords stuff was pretty…. average.

Nobbeh – who is level 44

I know my Dad, he knows football (the good kind), nuclear maintainence, 60s and 70s rock and pop, safety regulations, union politics and a bit about almost every other subject.  I wouldn’t go posting on the internet about how I asked my dad (who is not a bona fide authority on anything) about said subject.  I might say that I looked around some comedy blogs or science manuals or whatever, but not “I asked Dad, he says get stuffed“.

I am a Dad too.  I pretend to know everything sometimes too.  However, I like to think that I’ll admit when I’m stumped.  I don’t want my kids or neices and nephews to think they can use me as an authority on anything save what I’m an expert on, and even then I’d like to think they’d lie and use a euphamism like “I asked a professional asshole, and he says you’re part of the club” or “I know an expert in social dissasspointment, he says that if you sucked any more at being in relationships you’d be looking to on Henry the 8th memoirs for advice”

Or something like that.

Twitter Updates for 2008-06-26

  • Dear Escapist Magazine; I love ZP, but I have seen your ads 5 times, you’ll forgive me for skipping them now. #
  • In a Scottish Accent: “Check out my Stiffy,,, Oooooohhhh I got it from violence” #
  • Challenge: My co-worker is sure Craig Charles (Lister) appeared on Dr. Who. Does anyone know the 411 on this? #
  • Listening to iPod (via Pod Player) #
  • Kevin Smith on Carlin: “Without a hint of hyperbole, I can say he was a god, a god who cussed.” #
  • From Qi: #

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Phishing for Wardrops

Dear Kevin Wardrop,

It may surprise you receiving this letter from me, since there was no previous correspondence between us.My name is Mr. Venu Nair, Malaysian national and personal Attorney to Late Mr. Morris Wardrop, who passed away on the 11th of November 2001 as a result of a deadly heart disease.

I am contacting you to assist me in securing the fund left behind by my late client, before it is confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where the funds was depositted.The total amount of funds in the account of my deceased client is US$ 9.7 Million (Nine Million, Seven Hundred Thousand United States dollars Only).

The Bank has issued me a notice to contact the next of kin/beneficiary to my late client or have the account declared unseviceable.Hence, I am contacting you to seek your consent in presenting you as the next-of-kin/beneficiary to my late client,since you have the same last name.This will enable the proceeds of this account to be paid to you as the legitimate beneficiary/next of kin.Upon conclusion of this transaction, 40% of the total sum will be yours for your honest committment and positive contributions to enhance the success of this transaction,while the remaining 60% will be mine.

All the legal documentations to back up claims as the deceased’s next-of-kin will be provided by me. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through.This intended transaction will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any infraction of the law.

Kindly note: If this business proposition offends your moral ethics,do accept my sincere apology,but if on the other hand you deem it fit to assist me,kindly contact me via as soon as you can for further details.

Yours faithfully,

Mr Venu Nair.

There are a couple things wrong with this email.  I am not the next of Kin for any Wardrop, save my Mother, Father, Sister and immediate family.  My DAD might be, but there are a long line of actual Wardrops that should be first.  In addition, beyond the name, my actual Family is McKay/Wardrop on my Dad’s side and Clark/Greczenko on my Mum’s Side.  I think there is some McGuiness in there.  By Strict descent I think we are Wardrops, but of the English/Royal Court line (James Wardrop is our proginator AFAIK).  However, we have zero contact with other Wardrops and are not heirs to any Wardrop anything.

Which sucks, for if I was an heir I’d get a registered letter; not an email.

Big Red Continues to Slash and Burn

Rogers has brought down the axe on yet another CityTV mailstay, Ed the Sock is out:

In another move that signals changes at Citytv, Ed and Red’s Night Party is being cancelled as of Aug. 31, but according to the man behind the incorrigible sock puppet, Ed the Sock is far from dead.

“There’s no ill will. Things change,” said Steve Kerzner, Ed’s voice and creator. “We just don’t really fit, I guess, as presently constituted, with what they wanted to do with the channel.”

Kerzner says he was told that Citytv’s new corporate parent, Rogers, would like to attract more female viewers. He also says that he’s been feeling restless and wants to branch out and do more than just the late night show.

Toronto Star: Rogers to Ed: Put a sock in it

“In order to fit with where they’re taking the channel, the show (most recently titled Ed and Red’s Night Party) would have to change, and it would have seemed to be selling out. Better to make a new show than alter the one everybody seemed to love.”

London Free Press: Ed the Sock gets the boot from CityTV

At least the headlines weren’t deliberatly false here, just the writers or copy editors working through their foot and sock puns. (“Darn it, Ed the Sock losing his CITY-TV comedy show“)

This is of course after Peter Silverman was given the unceremonious heave-ho and Speaker’s Corner got the axe, Rogers Management seem determined to put the past of CityTV behined them; which suits Big Red fine, but it does little to generate Goodwill in the community.  It’s a safe bet that CityTV will no longer be “everywhere” very soon too.  I know, change is inevitable; but wathcing CityTV become “Roger’s TV” has not been the most pleasant experience.

Call me when Breakfast TV becomes “Morning with Rogers”.

Poor news reporting sickens me

This certainly looks shocking:

Court overturns father’s grounding of 12-year-old

A Canadian court has lifted a 12-year-old girl’s grounding, overturning her father’s punishment for disobeying his orders to stay off the Internet, his lawyer said Wednesday.

According to court documents, the girl’s Internet transgression was just the latest in a string of broken house rules. Even so, Justice Suzanne Tessier found her punishment too severe.

Beaudoin noted the girl used a court-appointed lawyer in her parents’ 10-year custody dispute to launch her landmark case against dear old dad.


This is as detailed as I could get from the general web, I ended up having to search using the Lawyers name to find this article from the National Post:

Quebec girl wins court case over field trip

And while the case is raising some eyebrows, a tangled behind-the-scenes custody battle must be taken into account, said Montreal family law lawyer, Miriam Grassby.

“It’s a very different situation than a child who might appear to not be be happy with the parent’s decision and simply saying ‘I’m going to go court and I’m going to get what I want,” she said. “And if in fact it’s been portrayed that way, it’s not putting in its complex context.


I never thought the day would come that I would be praising the national post (again, I think) but there it is, real context and details that make the whole thing plausible and sane.  There is a behind the scenes fight going on where the daughter has moved back with her mother and there is a battle going on between the two households.  With that context in place, the ruling seems a great deal less shocking.

If one was only to read the light on details story one could easily assume the the courts were subverting the father’s authority over a willful and disrespectful child.  This would send shockwaves through the whole of parentdom, no more punishments.  On Noes!

The truth, as always, is a great deal muddier and requires more reading that most news sources provided. I shouldn’t have to research this crap on my own, I should be handed the facts up front and draw good conclusions, instead I have to treat every headline like it is out to lie to me.  That’s no way to present news guys.

Are you going to see "Wanted" this week?

Suddenly, the old characters seem pretty old. Timur really raised the bar here. Batman better be really, really good to top this.

Mark Millar (writer of WANTED the graphic novel and mad scotsman) speaking about WANTED the movie

I’ve seen this kind of effusive praise from Mr. Millar about “WANTED” for the past couple of days, having already decided to give the movie a look either way, this excites me to see it.  As the writers of source material in comic movies almost universally hate the end result when their comics become film.

Not that every comic movie has been bad either, even the bad ones were okay in many cases.  (Captain America, with the rubber ears, BAD.  Spider-man with the ropes for webs, GOOD for the time, BAD in the scope of things).  The X-Men movies aren’t all good, but they have their moments, which makes up for the stupid stunts like “I’m the Juggernaut, Bitch”.  I don’t think I need to list all the comic movies off for you to have a few in the good and a few in the bad columns in your head.  Nevertheless, Wanted was one of those Comics that was MADE to be a movie and DRAWN to have the casting in place.  Which makes this adaption worrisome and now also exciting.

So, are you going to head to the theatre this weekend to see the R rated violence, or what?