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Day: February 3, 2008

On Vox: Some Short Notes on Film I have seen

So, the Cloverfield monster is not Godzilla.  It's not Mothra, nor is it the monster from that episode of Patlabor that "The Host" cribbed from.  It's something in between, I think.

I finally got to see Cloverfield and enjoyed the ride, I think that another version of it from the third person perspective might have been better though as the jackassery got a bit thick there.

The Monster was scary and the final fate of the Camera was given right up front so the ending wasn't really a surprise.  Which kind of sucks.

When I rode in this cab, the driver was Russian.  I enjoy many things Eastern European.  I imagine it is my Slavic (?) heritage (being part Polish on my Mother's Side)  that leads me to enjoy borscht and cabbage soups and Russian Mobster Movies.

Eastern Promise was awesome and I highly recommend it to people who like to watch a movie and just enjoy the acting, without comprehension of the dialogue.  There were whole swaths were I was getting by on the facial expressions alone.  Sometimes I picked up a word or phrase here or there that I recognized in contexts, but otherwise they could have been saying gabba gabba in inflected, serious tones and I would have still been transfixed.

I sussed the plot fairly early, so the big reveal later on in the movie was more of "for those of you who have not figured out this movie yet, here you go"

I was a big Buffy fan, seriously.  Still am, I guess.  I also loved "30 Days of Night" by Steve Niles.  I snagged a bunch of the books and even the "Vampire Tales" TPB.  So I was semi-excited about the movie.

Leave it to another Comic Adaption to suck the life from a good Vampire Tale (if you will excuse the pun). 

I liked Josh Hartnet.  I liked the actress who played Stella (Melissa George).  I liked the sets, I liked the setup.   Where did it all go wrong?  The Vampires, of course.

Spouting Gibberish and screaming like animals, they were scary but they were not creepy. The only Vampire that was "right" was the one that was ripped off from Stephen King.  If you rip off a Stephen King adaption for your movie Adaption, you should have your pen revoked.  Simple an plain.

Finally, I saw John Rambo.  This is not a film.  This is a long-form Gunfight with some dialogue in between.  There is little I can say about this movie to recommend it, and I would find it too easy to look at the simplistic violence and say "pooh"

If one wants to see BAD BAD BAD guys get killed in a number of graphic ways, John Rambo is for you.   If you'd like some form of cinematic Justice meted out with Reason.  Umm, go watch "Witches of Eastwick" or something.

He turns one guy into a big wet stain in about 2 seconds.  OMG.

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On Vox: What Corporations sometimes are like

Please indulge a short flight of fancy whereupon I delight you with a tale of Olde Giants and Vassals to the Lord.

Imagine for a moment that there are Giants that live amongst us, some small giants that are barely larger than a house and some massive giants who can step from continent to continent and their very breath alters the weather as they go.  Now imagine that these Giants crap gifts.  They excrete money and gifts.


Now, to make a living people can choose to live ON the Giants.  In fact, without armies of people on the Giants to tend to their health and protect them from other Giants, our Giants would actually die.  As long as they have their little armies though, they keep on living, immortal and fairly unaware of anyone but other Giants, their armies (whom they sometimes swipe off to assuage their vanity) and their food.  They stride from place to place pooping out prizes and eating whatever strikes their fancy. 

The Kings of the Lands realize that they can't fight the Giants, but can employ Giants to fight on their behalf.  Whole human armies are supplied by the poop of a given Giant and it's own army of helpers.  Some Giants employ smaller Giants to act on their behalf, but most Giants exist by eating stuff they find lying around or other Giants. 

The Vassals all need to live off of the crap the Giants poop out, because the Lords and Kings have all given the Giants free reign to roam over the lands and people as long as they keep crapping out prizes for the ones that aren't crushed or eaten. 

So Vassals and Lords alike are held in thrall by Immortal Giants who crap prizes and eat up all the land.  Too bad.

Originally posted on